Watcher with an attitude.

He kept the lights off. The dark was familiar. Cold and silent. For some reason, in the mood he was in, it felt even more comfortable than usual. It felt like home. And much as that should have scared him, he just couldn’t find the energy.

Yes, he was tired. So very tired. It just seemed like life never let up. He’d have moments of peace. Moments of lying with his head on Rose’s stomach, listening to her heart beat and tracing patterns on the silk skin of her legs as she murmured poetry or toyed with his hair. And then there were moments like this. Where everything in his brain would scream to fever pitch and then just hold there, memories and thoughts and self-doubts all wavering and humming like something alive.

He stared at the ceiling. Nothing moved except his chest, lightly lifting and falling with each soft breath. One hand lay beside him, the other rested on his ribs, feeling the thud of his heart and the hollow inflation and deflation of his lungs.

Alive. Still alive, then.

It always surprised him to come to that conclusion. Twenty-four years old in less than two weeks, and nearly half of that had been spent fighting for his life. First on London streets and then in cemeteries. And when it came right down to it, there wasn’t much difference between a mean-eyed bloke with a switchblade and a hungry baby vamp. The look in the eyes was the same. Cruelty.

Inhale. Exhale.

Thump, thump, thump.

Alive.

Survived hell and demon possession. A vengeful Countess and grey-faced bastards. Buried his father, best friend, and true love. Still trudging on. Tired. So…so fucking tired.

He stared at the ceiling and wished he was dead. Almost unconsciously, his breaths slowed and stilled. The soft burn in his chest was almost immediate. His body’s cry for oxygen. Air! Breathe! Live! Survive, dammit, survive! And despite the building pain under his ribs, his heart thudded on.

Thump, thump, thump.

He held off a moment longer. It was in these very, very still moments that he could almost feel it. That scratching in his head. That dark corner he ignored. The side of him that egged him to stake and punch and fight and bleed until his muscles burned and he gasped for breath. That side that crept fingers through his brain when he was out on patrol and passed a pretty girl with a too-short skirt. That side that itched and pulsed and whispered unintelligible things about running far and fast and free.

In those motionless few seconds, it was almost like maggots. Or cockroaches. Trapped in his brain—writhing, squirming, and scratching with little clawed legs.

All at once, he snapped out of it. Violently. Sat up with a start, and sucked on the air desperately, entire chest burning, brain spinning, blinking watering eyes. It was always the same when he drew close to death. That shadow in the corner of his brain would grin with tiny, sharp teeth, and growl in a voice almost audible:

What do you think you’re doing?

And there were many reasons Adrian Kingsley didn’t commit suicide. He knew Eve—wherever she was—would never look him in the eyes if she found out he threw his life away. He knew Rose would be lost. He knew it was the coward’s way out, and he knew—from a face-to-face conversation—that his father would try to bring about a second death if he ever took it.

But mostly, he just really, really didn’t want to be alone with that dark side of him.

Especially not in hell.

I suck at doing two accounts at once. Okay, I’m off Adrian for the night.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

-grins, tapping her lower lip- That’s why you’re m’girl.

-she bites at his finger before she gives it a good suck-

I know.

-bites his lip and grins, watching her lips-

Among…other reasons.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

You know I love you the same. -meets her gaze- M’head gets in the way sometimes, but…I do.

-quietly-

… I know you do.

-kisses her forehead, hardly believing he was seething and ready to shoot something moments ago; has to say it again-

I love you, Rose Tyler.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

-not moving anything else, he slips his middle and ring finger a little deeper-

-she grips his chin, moaning against his lips-

… good boy. More.

-grunts just softly at the praise and her grip, using his free fingers to spread her a little wider before shifting his wrist, pushing the two fingers up to the base-

-she drags a finger over his bottom lip-

… make me come an’ then you’ll get yours, hm?

-breathless- Yes, Rose.

-turns his hand as much as he can, twisting fingers inside her before he starts pumping them, thumb and forefinger knuckle pressed to her clit-

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

You’ll see. Cats aren’t essential to livin’. Sex on the other hand…

-she finishes the sentence for him-

Is essential to livin’.

That’s m’girl.

Hey— I happen to love sex, too, y’know.

-grins, tapping her lower lip- That’s why you’re m’girl.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

-not moving anything else, he slips his middle and ring finger a little deeper-

-she grips his chin, moaning against his lips-

… good boy. More.

-grunts just softly at the praise and her grip, using his free fingers to spread her a little wider before shifting his wrist, pushing the two fingers up to the base-

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

-she watches him for a moment-

I meant what I said earlier, y’know. Never. ‘ve never loved anythin’… anyone like… like I do you.

-silent for a few long seconds; he’s loved just as hard, but unrequited; so this is…better?; well, it’s more; and he still can’t understand why-

…Thanks, love. Means a lot.

-she stares at him for a moment-

… y-you’re welcome.

You know I love you the same. -meets her gaze- M’head gets in the way sometimes, but…I do.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

You’ll see. Cats aren’t essential to livin’. Sex on the other hand…

-she finishes the sentence for him-

Is essential to livin’.

That’s m’girl.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

-without a word, his hands drop, just unbuttoning, nothing else, still kissing her-

-she breaks the kiss with a gasp-

H-hand in my knickers. 

-licks his lower lip and stares into her eyes, slipping fingers past lace and sliding through warmth, pressing up lightly-

-she doesn’t break eye contact as she leans in and sucks at his bottom lip; murmurs-

… two fingers.

-not moving anything else, he slips his middle and ring finger a little deeper-

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

Well, b’cos it’s jus’ extra. Need t’feed it an’ be with it. An’ I don’t want the flat t’stink.

Oh, fiiine.

I promise you’ll live.

I’ll take your word for it jus’ this once.

You’ll see. Cats aren’t essential to livin’. Sex on the other hand…

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

Jus’…uninhabited though, yeah? Er, away from other people at least? I don’t wanna…. I don’t want distractions.

J-jus’ us, yeah? I promise.

Deal.

-she watches him for a moment-

I meant what I said earlier, y’know. Never. ‘ve never loved anythin’… anyone like… like I do you.

-silent for a few long seconds; he’s loved just as hard, but unrequited; so this is…better?; well, it’s more; and he still can’t understand why-

…Thanks, love. Means a lot.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

-without a word, his hands drop, just unbuttoning, nothing else, still kissing her-

-she breaks the kiss with a gasp-

H-hand in my knickers. 

-licks his lower lip and stares into her eyes, slipping fingers past lace and sliding through warmth, pressing up lightly-

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

Well, b’cos it’s jus’ extra. Need t’feed it an’ be with it. An’ I don’t want the flat t’stink.

Oh, fiiine.

I promise you’ll live.

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

punkwatcher:

xrosemariontyler:

-she takes his face in her hands, not quite gently, and presses her forehead to his-

Good.

Rose.

-it’s just a whisper and his hand’s settled on her thigh as he tilts his head up to kiss her-

-she shifts again in his lap, bracing her hands on his shoulders now-

Rose, tell me… -kisses her hard and deep- Tell me what to do.

… j-jeans. My jeans. Unbutton them.

-without a word, his hands drop, just unbuttoning, nothing else, still kissing her-